What Your Birth Partner Actually Does on the Day

Team Naked Doula
May 22
3 min read

Updated: Jun 4

You've done the reading. You've talked about what you want. Now comes the practical bit. What does your birth partner actually do on the day? Most of it comes down to knowing you. But let’s be real—there are some things worth thinking about in advance. In the heat of the moment, nobody remembers to think of them!

The Questions Worth Asking Before You Go Into Labour

Do You Want to Be Touched?

Some women crave constant physical contact during labour. Others can’t bear to be touched. This varies from person to person and can even change during the same labour. Your birth partner should know your default preference. They need to ask rather than assume.

What Do You Want to Eat and Drink?

Labour is a physical marathon. Food and drink matter! Make sure your birth partner knows your preferences and has them stocked up. Hospital vending machine snacks? No, thank you! Think ahead.

Who Asks the Questions?

When an intervention is suggested, do you want your birth partner to ask the B.R.A.I.N questions? Or do you want to take the lead with them backing you up? Know this in advance. Mid-contraction is not the time to figure it out!

What's the Code Word?

You may feel differently in labour than you did during pregnancy. Sometimes, fear talks louder than reason. Agree on a word or phrase with your birth partner that signals: I know what we planned, but I’ve changed my mind. This way, they’ll know when to hold the plan and when to let it go.

Asking Questions on Your Behalf

Your birth partner cannot give consent for any medical treatment; only you can do that. But they can absolutely ask questions, slow things down, and ensure you have the information you need to make decisions.

B.R.A.I.N. is the tool for this. If something is being suggested and you need a moment to think, your birth partner can run through it with the room.

According to NICE guidelines and Birthrights, your birth partner has the right to be included in your care and to advocate for you. This isn’t being difficult; it’s how it’s supposed to work!

The Practical Environment Stuff

Your birth partner controls more of the room than you might think. They can adjust the lighting, music, temperature, and who comes in and out. These elements affect your oxytocin levels, which in turn influence how labour progresses. It’s not woo; it’s physiology!

Imagine this: dark, warm, quiet, and safe. Reduce anything that triggers the stress response. Maximise anything that makes you feel held. And don’t underestimate laughter and genuine connection. Feeling loved and safe is one of the most effective things a birth partner can do to keep labour moving.

Floppy face, floppy fanny. Where the jaw goes, the pelvic floor follows!

Your birth partner should be included in your care, according to NICE guidelines. They aren’t just there to hold a bag; they are part of the team. Make sure they know that, and ensure your midwife knows it too.

The Emotional Support

Let’s talk about emotional support. Labour can be an emotional rollercoaster. Your birth partner should be your rock. They need to be there to encourage you, remind you of your strength, and keep you focused.

The Power of Words

Words have power. The right words can uplift you and help you push through the toughest moments. Your birth partner should know your affirmations and mantras. They can repeat them to you when you need them most.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

And let’s not forget about laughter! A well-timed joke can lighten the mood and ease tension. Your birth partner should be ready to crack a smile or share a funny story. It’s all about creating a positive atmosphere.

Preparing for the Unexpected

Labour can be unpredictable. Your birth partner should be prepared for anything. Discuss potential scenarios in advance. What if things don’t go as planned? How will you both handle it?

Staying Calm Under Pressure

Your birth partner needs to stay calm under pressure. They should be your anchor when things get chaotic. Practicing relaxation techniques together can help.